Mate, Your Mate’s Got a Gambling Thing: How to Help in Aotearoa

Why This Matters, Eh?

Kia ora, mate! Gambling can be a bit of a buzz in Aotearoa, from a cheeky flutter on the horses to a spin at the pokies. But sometimes, that buzz can turn into a real problem. If you’ve got a mate who’s struggling with their gambling, you might be feeling a bit lost on how to help. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many Kiwis face this, and knowing what to do can make a huge difference. This guide is here to give you some friendly advice on how to support your mate through a tough time. It’s about being a good mate, understanding the situation, and knowing where to find help if you need it. Even if you’re new to this, you can still make a positive impact. Maybe they’ve been spending too much time at the pub playing the machines, or perhaps they’ve been trying their luck at Betandplay casino online. Whatever the situation, your support can be crucial.

Spotting the Signs: What to Look Out For

First things first, how do you know if your mate has a gambling problem? Sometimes it’s obvious, but other times, the signs can be subtle. Here are some things to keep an eye out for:

  • Money Troubles: Are they constantly short on cash? Are they borrowing money, selling things, or talking about financial worries?
  • Obsession: Do they talk about gambling a lot? Are they always checking scores, odds, or planning their next bet? Does gambling seem to be the only thing on their mind?
  • Chasing Losses: Are they trying to win back money they’ve lost by gambling more? This is a classic sign of a problem.
  • Secrecy: Are they hiding their gambling from you, their family, or their partner? Do they get defensive when you ask about it?
  • Mood Swings: Are they irritable, anxious, or depressed, especially when they can’t gamble? Gambling problems can seriously impact mental health.
  • Neglecting Responsibilities: Are they missing work, neglecting their family, or letting their health suffer because of gambling?
  • Withdrawal: Have they started isolating themselves from friends and family?

If you notice a few of these signs, it’s time to have a chat. Remember, you’re not a doctor or a therapist, but you can still offer support and encourage them to seek professional help.

Having the Chat: How to Talk to Your Mate

Okay, so you’ve noticed some red flags. Now what? Talking to your mate can be tough, but it’s important. Here’s how to approach the conversation:

Choose the Right Time and Place

Pick a time when you can both talk privately and without distractions. A quiet coffee shop or a walk in the park is better than a loud pub or a text message. Make sure they’re not already in the middle of a gambling session or feeling stressed about something else.

Be Calm and Supportive

Start by expressing your concern in a calm and non-judgmental way. Let them know you care about them and that you’re worried about their well-being. Avoid lecturing or blaming them. Use “I” statements, such as “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”

Listen Actively

Let your mate talk. Listen to what they have to say without interrupting or judging. Try to understand their perspective and the reasons behind their gambling. They might feel ashamed or embarrassed, so give them space to open up.

Be Honest and Direct

While being supportive, don’t be afraid to be honest about what you’ve observed. Gently point out the specific behaviours that concern you. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been missing work lately, and I’m worried about your finances.”

Offer Help, Not Solutions

You can’t fix their problem for them, but you can offer your support. Let them know you’re there for them, whether it’s to listen, to go with them to a support group, or to help them find professional help. Avoid offering to lend them money or bail them out of financial trouble. This can often make the problem worse.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to protect yourself. Set boundaries about what you’re willing to do and not do. For example, you might say, “I’m happy to talk to you about this, but I’m not going to lend you money.” This is important for your own wellbeing.

Where to Find Help: Resources in Aotearoa

You can’t do this alone. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources available in New Zealand to help your mate get the support they need:

Gambling Helpline

The Gambling Helpline is a free, confidential service available 24/7. They offer phone, text, and online support. They can provide information, counselling, and referrals to other services. The number is 0800 654 655.

Problem Gambling Foundation

The Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand offers a range of services, including counselling, education, and support groups. They have offices and services throughout the country. Check out their website for more information.

Te Hiringa Hauora

Te Hiringa Hauora (Health Promotion Agency) provides information and resources on gambling harm. They also work to raise awareness and promote responsible gambling.

Your GP

Your mate’s doctor can be a good starting point. They can provide a medical assessment, offer advice, and refer them to other services, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Support Groups

Support groups, like Gamblers Anonymous (GA), can provide a safe space for people to share their experiences and support each other. These groups are often free and confidential.

What Not to Do: Avoiding Common Pitfalls

Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be challenging. Here are some things to avoid:

  • Enabling: Don’t cover up their gambling, lend them money, or make excuses for their behaviour.
  • Judging: Avoid being judgmental or critical. This will only make them feel worse.
  • Giving Advice: Unless you’re a professional, avoid giving advice about how to gamble or manage their money.
  • Taking on Their Problems: You can’t fix their problem for them. Don’t let their problems consume you.
  • Ignoring the Problem: Don’t pretend everything is okay. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away.

Looking After Yourself: You Matter Too

Supporting a mate with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. It’s important to look after your own well-being. Here’s how:

  • Set Boundaries: Don’t let their problems take over your life.
  • Seek Support: Talk to your own friends, family, or a counsellor.
  • Take Care of Yourself: Eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep.
  • Remember It’s Not Your Fault: You can’t control your mate’s behaviour.

Wrapping It Up: Your Mate’s Journey

Supporting a mate with a gambling problem isn’t always easy, but your support can make a real difference. By being a good listener, offering encouragement, and helping them find professional help, you can be a positive influence in their life. Remember, it’s a journey, and there will be ups and downs. Be patient, stay strong, and don’t forget to look after yourself. Kia kaha, mate! You’ve got this.